Because sex and intercourse provide a dose of the bonding hormone oxytocin, a woman may not be ready to have attachment feelings or prefers to wait until she feels safe with a new partner.
Telling the truth to a prospective new partner (or even a long-term partner( can set the stage for hot sex when the time feels right. Explain that you’re attracted, interested in potentially having sex but not ready yet.
Then, promise him that –when you are ready– you will take the initiative. That way, he won’t suffer repeated rejection. Psychologist Warren Farrell, author of “Why Men Are the Way They Are,” counted 150 steps, each with the potential for rejection, that men typically take from the first glance to intercourse.
According to Farrell, men press for sex sooner than a women may be ready in order to avoid extending the period of rejection. If you accept responsibility for initiating the step toward intercourse, you’ll help lower his risk of rejection. He’ll likely to lower the pressure on you for sex early on. If he doesn’t back off, you get information for your “yay” or “nay” decision.
Kinky people –those who experiment with sex that may be too far out for you– provide an excellent model for clear communication and boundary-setting. You can also learn new tricks for physical experiences –that don’t necessarily include that build arousal. Read the article on What You Can Learn from Kinksters.